Tuesday, January 14, 2014

ripple effects

So I'm just going through my day today, minding my own business and blowing my nose, and Bam! I realize that once again a marriage has crumbled and people are left scrambling to pick up the pieces.

This comes after recent months, when marital breakdown has once again hit hard and personally within my own family, and y'all I'm not going to lie.  I am so, so, very tired of it.

I remember years ago, as I was beginning to heal from my own divorce, and she sat in my kitchen in the middle of a party and casually said " yeah, my dad moved out today," and the room was spinning and I couldn't even make sense of her words.  And my heart broke right in two there at the kitchen counter.

And then, y'all, I was fired up!  I felt a personal mission to stop the certain disaster to come and I begged and pleaded and warned and wept on their behalf, all to no avail.

Sadly, many other families that I love followed.  Over and over I've seen spouses just give up and walk away, with little understanding of the decisions they're making and the ramifications certain to follow.

(Oh y'all, it is a hard, hard thing to know deep in your bones that a person is throwing away everything good, and they flat out will not, or cannot, believe you.)

A lot of years have passed.  My daughters are all grown up, and all around me people are still throwing in the towel, looking for something better, and destroying their beautiful, messy, precious lives.

Y'all, I know that marriage is a hard thing, and I know it can seem like anything would be better that what is right now, and calling a do-over can seem to be a best-case solution to a miserable set of circumstances, but if you want to avoid a world of hurt, and I mean a rest-of-your-life kind of hurt, please hear me...

Just... Get Over Yourself.

Because, quite frankly, the rippling effect of our decisions is much, much  bigger than one unhappy person who has decided that their happiness is more important than everyone else.

(And here's a little secret, when you walk away from your spouse,
you are throwing away a life you likely value far more than you realize right now.)

I assure you, you are trashing a lot more than a series of arguments and mounting frustration.  You don't know it yet, but you're throwing away your children's trust and sense of security (young or old), and you're trashing the future you all would have had if only you'd seen things through.

Unless you've been married for 10 minutes, you're turning away from parents-in-law and siblings and brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews, and a myriad of other relationships that inevitably die when there is a marital fracture.

This is so much bigger than rejecting your partner.  You are rejecting nearly all you had before
...and I've yet to meet anyone after the dust settles who feels the end result is worth the price you pay.

I'm not saying to live your life in defeat and misery - of course not!  That's not what God wants for any of us.  If you are truly unhappy, if your spouse is driving you nuts, or you feel stuck, do something about it, STAT!  It is very dangerous to pretend and simmer for a sweet forever until you blow sky high.  Find some help for the legitimate problems going on in your home and proactively fight for the health of your family.

For the sake of everyone you have ever loved...Keep your promises, work hard on the life you chose,
and by all means, get over yourself.


*This message brought to you today spur-of-the-moment and mostly unedited.

*If you need to talk, give me a call or email me...

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