six word saturday

Three places at one time?  Impossible.

So I'm staying close to home this week...taking care of all the things.



Happy Weekending!

what goes around really does sometimes, you know, come back around

Kari has been a nanny for a while now and has been loving this cutie since she was a wee few weeks old.

...a few WEEKS old!

Kari doesn't have them every day any more since they're all up in the preschooling scene, but when she does they always want to see Naynay.

...which serves to make me feel several different kinds of warm and tingly and gooey inside.

Kids, children, small people, little tykes, ankle biters, whippersnappers...Whatever you wanna call 'em, go find yourself one or a couple to jump up and down and act like a fool for today.  

They'll love ya forever and very hopefully feel just a bit more wonderful from your lavish lack of decorum.

...and if you're really, really fortunate, they'll ask to see you and jump on your nerdy mini trampoline in the middle of a weekday afternoon just because.

Happy Thursday!

sigh

You wouldn't think that scrubbing and cleaning a house that is no longer a home would evoke such an odd sense of grief.

Yet here I sit.

As is my style, I've tossed and sold and given away and packed...and lugged and carted and moved my things, with a pragmatism that keeps tears-induced headaches to a minimum.  

But for some inexplicable reason, pulling the nails from the walls of what used to be Kari's room, the room where Hector lived and her wedding dress hung, has rendered me all weepy.

I only lived here for five years.  I didn't actually raise my children here.

But it is, you know, "Naynay's House."

It was home, and there was much loving here.

I guess it's all fun and games until you erase the last of the living from the walls, huh.

No worries though, I'm taking all the loving with me.

it'll be an adventure! and fun! and an adventure!

You know that old joke we Christians make -"Be careful when you pray for patience because God just might answer you"?

My life is kinda like that lately.  Except in my case I have, in fact, been praying for purpose-filled days, and He has definitely been answering with all manner of WONDERFUL!

Over the last year or so I'm finding myself increasingly unsettled deep in my bones, so to speak, with a growing sense of needing to do...more.  or at least different.

When discussing my BIG DECISION with friends the other day, one of them (I love ya Sweetie!) said "Renee I think you're doing enough."  I understand her sweet protective heart and what she was trying to say to me, but when boiling it all down can a Christ-follower every truly do "enough?"

What does "enough" look like?  

I have no idea.  All I know is I haven't done it yet.  I'm pretty sure when I have I'll recognize it and shake it's hand and maybe hug its neck.  

(I suspect "enough" is just about the time I walk straight into Jesus' arms, and oh won't that be just wonderful?!!)

Anyhoo, for now I know I'm not there.   I suspect I'm not even close to there.

...so I keep asking God to reveal my selfishness, and greed, and laziness, and insensitivity to others' needs, and open me up to being MORE for His kingdom. 

Five months into 2012 I find myself increasingly dissatisfied with all the stuff I have that I don't use, the time I have that I don't share, and the space I have that often lies empty.  I use every reserve of time and energy I do have just to keep my head above water, and it's not exaggeration to say everything I have goes into just getting through another month.

Maybe it's just me, but this feels like terrible stewardship of what God has given me.  

At church we talk about being good stewards of our time, our treasure, and our talents.  I'm thinking my time, the things I treasure, and the talents God has given me can be better spent.

And that, my friends, is why my sister and her family, and I, are all moving into a new (very old) house together!  

We have talents and gifts to share, and we also have burdens that we can ease for each other, which sounds like some good stewarding to me ;)  

 

And as a bonus, as I've been thinking (obsessing!) this last week, and I've had a revelation of sorts...

Living with the gang, I guess I'll be a cross between Grandma Walton and Aunt Bea and Uncle Charlie with a hint of Alice. (Or perhaps more like Uncle Jessie?  He was pretty cool what with playing with the Beach Boys and all.)*

(*Ten points if you can Name! Those! Shows!)

I digress.  The point is, I'll have their backs and they'll have mine.  And I'm alternating between FREAKING OUT and, well, not.

Which seems just about right :)

I'll share more of my thoughts and feelings and what-have-you later.  (Sorry!)  But for now let me repeat a quote I've used here before...

"Tragedy is when we forfeit eternal treasure for earthly trinkets."

Lord, may my life be trinket-free...

an exercise in random. and drivel...some random drivel !

Can you even believe we're right back at Monday, again??  It seems like we just did this and here we are again.

I'm not entirely sure why that matters so much seeing as I actually dislike Tuesday more because I only work a half-day on Mondays, but whatever.

(True story, when my kids were young Monday was actually my favorite day of the week.  Sundays were all busy and frantic and full of great, and by Monday morning the girls were tired, and they enjoyed crashing & sleeping & overall chilling out.)

(My apologies to all the poor schmucks who were dragging their pooped-out selves to work all those Mondays.  I was an insensitive soul to be sure.)

(The above rabbit trail is brought to you by the letters "A, D, and D.")

Both Drew and Jeremy had birthdays this month, and Kelly graduated high school (Congratulations, Kelly!!), so Kate & Jerm drove up and we all spent a yummy 36 hours together, and there was much rejoicing, and hugging, and kissing of faces.  

And the babies were happy too.

And speaking of the babies, y'all I have never - and I mean never - been so thoroughly appreciated in my life.  

This would likely include my own children.  

(I guess they spent most of their childhoods being mad at me for something or other.)

(Whatever.) 

Anyhoo, these yummy little ones think I'm something pretty terrific and I don't get it.  When they're around I rarely have the time or energy for lip gloss, let alone eyeliner.  I'm usually schlepped out in sweats and t-shirts with unbrushed hair and no makeup, and I might possibly be moaning and groaning and whining with the back, and yet they get all smiley, and they leap up into my arms and gaze into my eyes like I were someone...else.

Ha!

They also request, REQUEST my singing.  That's some love right there, folks.  LOVE.

Audrey's repeated declarations that "I not going home...I NOT going home," with arms firmly planted around my neck are a perfect example of wonderful and awful at the same time.  If I weren't headed to a favorite place with a lot of sand in a matter of days I would SO have kept her forever.  

sigh.

In other news that shall remain vague for a little while longer, I made a BIG DECISION this weekend that has me feeling weird and strange and excited and nervous.  And excited.  And nervous.  Have you ever made a BIG DECISION that felt right and you believed to be right but still made your insides all squirrelly?  Any suggestions on how to embrace the yippee and ditch the squirrelly-ness of said decision? 

(Mild) Spoiler Alert:  My summer just got even more full of busy.  and crazy.  AND BUSY.

I'll share more soon, but trust me, after referencing the BIG DECISION in all caps you will no doubt be underwhelmed and unimpressed when I spill the beans.  My big is quite possibly your "eh."

(And no, I'm not fostering or adopting this summer.)

(Although children are, in fact, kinda/sorta relevant to the DECISION.)

Hey, by the way I've been meaning to ask you.  Do any of you get into the Summer Olympics?  I am 100%  not a sports-on-TV person, but I do love love the Summer Olympics.  

(Interesting side note:  I am completely disinterested in the Winter Olympics.  As in I watch zero percent of the Winter Olympics.)

Anyway, I'm hoping some of you are into it so I have someone to talk with about it.  

(USA!  USA!  USA!)

Wow I'm sorry.  I'm ALL OVER the place this morning and seem powerless to clean it up.  So I think I'll just leave you with the following picture of my beloved family in all their glory.  

 

Oh how I love 'em! 

Happy Monday!

Five Minute Friday: Opportunity

I'm not much of a morning person, but ya know what I love about the first thing in the morning?


It's all shiny clean.  


Like, freshly-fallen-snow clean. 

Lily-white clean.  

Just scrubbed-the-floors-until-they-sparkle clean.


The whole day is spread out for each of us, spilling over with possibility.  And it doesn't matter who we are.  It doesn't matter what we have or do not have.   It doesn't matter what we look like, or feel like, or think we do or do not deserve,


When we open our eyes in the morning and start our day, we all have the exact same precious, 24 hours of potential. 


We have a brand-new, God-given opportunity to try again, to create something beautiful, to make a difference...to build a life one day at a time.


All in all, pretty astounding...



Happy Friday :)

favorite reads: "the growing pains of motherhood"

Y'all.  It's Saturday!!  

My day off.  

Let's all just take a moment to appreciate the goodness of a day off, shall we?

This afternoon I'm heading an hour down up whatever over the road to some more college-graduating-goodness, but first I'm sleeping until I wake up in need of a beverage.  The ringer is turned off and I can barely contain my glee at the thought of some Saturday sleep to be followed by some toe-wiggling.

Before I hit the open road, though, I wanted to leave my favorite read with ya.

 

Lisa-Jo, AKA The Gypsy Mama, wrote this lovely message for mamas the other day, and oh how it makes my heart smile :)

 

I do believe it's a little slice of Mother's Day Weekend perfection, especially for those of you who are deep in the muddy, murky trenches of mothering madness goodness.

Enjoy!

 

clean slates and remembering what He's done

(A Thousand Gifts #1096-1115)

new helpings of peace, and grace, and forgiveness, and humor, and hope... 

                                                                     ...and the understanding that it is only because of Jesus

                                                                                                                                always sweet Jesus

a day quiet enough to hear my racing thoughts

the familiarity of the potato salad with the ham

visiting while he naps on my shoulder (both the visiting...and the napping :)

the comfort (and freedom!) in knowing I don't have to have all the answers

time set apart

clean slates, and moving on

searching out all my favorites via the internet, a soundtrack of goodness for my weekend

open windows for the briefest time

knowing His voice and recognizing what needs to be

pictures of their day to lessen the missing

remembering

                           ...who He is, 

                                                 ...and what He has done, 

                                                                                          ...and what He has offered to do through me

random acts

Photo by Kari

So it's been a weird week for me, and right in the middle of all the busy and loud and unsettling I received a package in the mail.

I thought it was my (in)RL 2012 t-shirt that I've been waiting for.*

(I should interject right here:  I love me a good event t-shirt.  I currently wear them approximately five days a week, and 90% of them belonged to various boys in my life before they grew too cool for them.  No lie.)

(*I would also like to note that I ended this sentence with a preposition, and it's bothering me, but I don't want to restructure.  Let's face it, "...t-shirt for which I have been waiting" is a little on the formal side.)

(Let's move on, shall we?)



Back to my package - it was not my long-awaited t-shirt, but was in fact a fun, little out-of-the-blue care package full of all manner of girlie things that made my heart smile and sing, and maybe leak just a couple of tears.


I'm pretty sure my friend would be surprised at how much her thoughtful gesture meant to me.  It didn't contain anything of great monetary value, and I can just hear her saying "it was nothing, just a blah, blah, blah...but I'm thinking we'd be wise to remember how very much a simple card or gesture can mean to the people we care about,

even those friends who don't seem to need such attention ;)


I have a lot on my mind today that has no business on the worldwideweb, but I wanted to share that I'm so terribly thankful for the beautiful ways I'm loved every day.


...and also to leave you with some homework, ha! 


You know that someone who is on your heart today?

Tell 'em. 


You'll make their day :)



Happy Thursday!

Growing Pains. And At My Age.

 

I'm feeling all...unsettled lately and I'm not sure where to take it.

You know that squirmy feeling you get when you sense that someone wants something from you but you have no idea what it is?

Yeah, that's kinda where I've been for the last little while.


Squirmy.


There's stuff I want to say but feel like it should be said well.
and since I don't know exactly what I'm thinking, I don't really know how to say it, ha!

I'm rather a mess, that's what.


I thought the unsettledness would disappear into a cloud of chaos go away when I made the decision to school Elijah.  I figured that would fill me with all the purpose a girl of my moderately-advancing years could handle.

Evidently I figured wrong because the squirming has continued.
Actually it's increasing, intensifying, and I were to be honest, aggravating.


It seems the busier I am the more it feels like I should be doing.  

The less money I have (and it has been quite the lean season, my friends), the guiltier I feel for my excess.

The more I learn the less I know, and the less I know the more God wants to show me, and the more He seems to want from me.


Here at A/B I keep a light tone.  This is intentional.  (Believe it or not, I occasionally think deep thoughts, and cranky thoughts, and yes...ugly thoughts.)  This is my personal space to use up some of  the many words that I love so much.  It's my family album, and I hope it occasionally gives my children a glimpse into what's going on behind that stunningly beautiful (sarcasm alert!) face of mine, and someday maybe it will help to introduce my future (great)grandchildren to my heart.

I usually keep things on the light(er) side because that's usually where I am, attitude-wise.  This blog is my thank-you note to my beloved Father who made me and to my family and friends who love me.  And that feels just about right.


However, in general social media (like Twitter/Facebook) I'm growing increasingly sick of the sound of my own voice.  Who really cares in the grand scheme of life if I indulged in meatballs for breakfast?  Anyone?

God has been convicting me about the me-centric-ness of such mediums, and while it can feel funny-ish to throw such stuff out there, when all is said and done I'm afraid it's fostering an attitude about myself that I'm not liking so much.

I guess it really struck me the other day when I spent some time signing petitions and praying for the millions living their every day in bondage (both spiritually and physically!) and then popped back over to see my meatball post smiling back at me.

Now there isn't a thing in the world wrong with sharing a meatball recipe, and I assure you there will be an abundance of such hard-hitting pseudo journalism in our future together...but y'all, the contrast was startling.  STARTLING.

That being said, I'm asking God to show me how to use "social media" in a more proactive, God-honoring way than just throwing out me-centric nonsense.

A little balance is all I'm saying.


I know God's bigger-picture plan for me is more substantial than me becoming a touch less selfish in my twitterlife...but it's a start.

and isn't that often how He works?  Just enough light to see that next step.


and baby steps they are.


* * *

I read today that children below the age of 18 years old represent between 40 to 50% of all forced labor victims.  These precious littles are no less real - and their plight no less desperate - just because they aren't in my direct line of vision.  Would you join me today in praying for these children?  Specifically as they spend their childhoods working, being abused, and having their innocence stolen.


There is a world of hurt outside my sight line, but thank God the world is growing "smaller" every day.  We have the Remedy.  I do believe it's time for me to find a way to share it more effectively.


I'm thinking it's the very least I could do.

 

Bring on the Caffeine and No. 2 Pencils

So about a year ago I started praying for God to give me some direction and focus.  A little, dare I say, purpose.  Of course my family is my first responsibility, but I can't smother my grandbabies with kisses while stuffing casseroles into my daughters and their husbands 24/7.  

I was on the hunt for some kind of well, mission, if you will, that wasn't so completely instinctual.  Something at least mildly inconvenient...perhaps a bit on the sacrificial side.

Specifically I prayed for one new person in whose life I could make a difference.  I didn't know what she would look like, but I kinda pictured some sweet girl who needed a place to stay, or maybe a neighbor who was feeling all alone.  Shoot, even a pregnant-and-alone sweetie occasionally crept around the edges of my imagination.  I could bestow some love and chicken casserole on the whoever and then sink back into my always-except-when-not tidy, quiet, orderly world.


Seemed like a pretty good plan to me.


Except I never found her.  


This year I have become even more proactive - and specific - in my praying.  I so want my every day be filled with purpose and meaning.  No sliding aimlessly from day to day...no simply reacting to whatever - or whoever - shows up in front of my face.  


Purpose in the verb-y sense of the word.

Well.



As of Monday I became the teacher of a first-grader.

My sweet nephew has been having difficulty in school, what with being a bit square-peggy in the world of public school round-hole-iness, and God whispered in my ear that perhaps, just perhaps, my purpose-contributing person might not be a...she at all, and wouldn't it be hilarious if she wasn't even new?


After all, he already owns some square footage in my heart.  

Could there be a better purpose than filling up his days with love and acceptance
...and more than a couple of "DUDE, what-are-ya-thinkin?"s.


I think not.


I'm pretty sure order, and tidiness, and definitely peace & quiet, have marched straight out my front door, but I haven't felt this excited (and full of terror) in a long time!  If you have any first-grade homeschooling suggestions I am UP FOR SUGGESTIONS.  For the next few months we're taking the chill approach and filling our days mostly with books and hugs...and snacks ;)  


Please pray for us?  Often??


It's gonna be A HOOT!

Goals. I've Got a Couple

So I'm linking up with The Nester this morning.  She's throwing a little party over at her place today and I wanted to play!  The subject?  Home Goals.  


For this passive reactor valiantly trying to bring purpose to her steps, writing down a couple of things that I've been putting off for ages and ages goals for the year sounds like a good idea.  And I'm thinking posting said goals on the worldwideweb can only help.


Accountability.  It's a good thing.


I wish I had the energy at 1:30 in the a.m. to be all adorable and clever...and I really really wish I had fun pictures to correspond with the adorable-ness and also clever-ness, but you might remember I'm a touch camera-challenged at the moment.  Kari lent me her little point-and-shoot but evidently it needs charging.  or something.  Who can really know for sure?  All I know is it's currently in a useless state.


Anyhoo, I wandered through my house a couple of times this week, and very quickly compiled the following list.  I could surely add others but let's get real...If I got all of these done it would be a home-decorating miracle.  No sense in getting carried away.


Therefore, without further ado, behold the list.  Of home-related goals.  
In short, a to-do list for the grand year of twenty-twelve.  


It's gonna be a purty one!

Paint the mirror in the living room.  I'm ashamed and chagrined to admit that I bought the paint back in the summer.  You can't really tell in this picture, but I feel like it's way too metallic and shiny.  I want to try to even it out a bit.  I think I keep procrastinating because I'm afraid I'll ruin it...but there's no room for wimpy-ness in home decorating.  I'll keep ya posted!


Paint the kitchen.  My children have painted all of my other major spaces for me, but the kitchen is sadly blah.  This is the year, my friends. I can feel it!


Redecorate the bathroom.  I am SO OVER my bathroom.  I've had the same shower curtain for approximately a hundred years, and the rugs & what-have-you are just a hodge-podge of randomness.  I want new...everything in there.  The only thing holding me back is a (somewhat) manageable sum of money and making a decision.  Oh how the decisions wear me out...


Start collecting fun plates for the kitchen wall.  And then pull down the shelf I have there now and hang 'em.  Of course this will require some scavenging and I'm not so good at that.  Time will tell on this one, but I'm going to try.


Refresh my "blessings" wall in the living room.  Poor Owen hasn't even made the wall yet.  Owen is now fourteen months old.  There aren't enough excuses in the world to make that okay.


Hem & iron all the bedroom curtains. They were hung during my birthday surprise, but they were too short.  I ripped the hem out but never re-hemmed them, or pressed them.  Seriously, y'all...It's so hard to care about the little details when you're the only one who sees them.


Make Jeremy's t-shirt quilt (shhh...it's a surprise!)


Find a good pattern and make a baby doll for Audrey.  I really want to make her a doll baby for Christmas next year.  If any of you have any suggestions for me I'd really appreciate it.  So far all I have is the glimmer of a dream and no plan whatsoever.


Sort toys and set up playroom upstairs.  The toys are overrunning the house.  I plan to reorganize and fix up the spare bedroom as a playroom.  This one should be fairly easy.  Practically all I will need is some gumption.


Clean out my disaster of a closet.  Oh y'all it's bad.  Real bad.


Tidy kitchen cabinets and clean out lid drawer.  See above regarding the bad.

I also want to start accumulating interesting picture frames so I can hang them going up my stairs.  This one will likely take some time, but I'm going to keep an eye out as I'm out and about.


One more thing!  I have a bunch of apple crates that I've used for approximately a thousand years as end tables/book shelves/toy boxes/foot stools, etc.  I want to stain them.  I saw that on Pinterest & it seems easy enough.  I even have some stain already.



So there you have it.  Most of this is easily done with minimal expense.  Which means I don't have much in the way of an excuse.  Which means I need to get busy.

Do you have anything you've been wanting to do around your house?  Do tell!


Have a great Wednesday :)

Sometimes a Little Wisdom Flows Through The Twitter Feed

Tragedy: When we forfeit eternal treasure in the pursuit of earthly trinkets. 



David Platt (@plattdavid) "tweeted" this yesterday, and it's one of those things that struck a nerve just a little bit.  If I hadn't been numb all over from picking up and putting down small children it would've struck a nerve a whole lot.

I think I'll mull over this a bit today as I, you know, live life and make choices.

Purpose is the Word

Happy New Year!  
and you're welcome Katie, ha!


If I were really on top of things I would be posting pictures from my family's Christmas/New Year's celebration this weekend but quite frankly in my world posting pictures is kind've hard for about two or six reasons, not the least of which is I have moderately-severe OCD tendencies that thwart my progress.


Thwart.  Still my favorite word that I rarely get to use.  
Thwart.  Try it.


Anyway, since I obviously have no intentions of doing a pictorial recap I'm going to do a things-that-are-flying-around-in-my-head kinda rendering.


(I'm so sorry.)


1.  Passion 2012 begins tonight.  I'm downright jealous.  I have got to find me some college kids who'll let me take them next year so I can go.  It still surprises me and breaks my heart a little that I'm no longer age-eligible to attend young adult-y type events.  sigh.  They'll be doing a live stream and last year it was wonderful.  Unfortunately this year I work nights, but I'm hoping the sessions will still be available for a day or so after so I can catch them.  I think a revival in your jammies is a very special kind of time with the Lord :)   Here's the link to watch online.


2.  My word for 2012 is a variation on my word for 2011.  And I'm sorry to report I was only moderately successful in my efforts to incorporate being more intentional in 2011.  Unfortunately being reactive is so thoroughly who I seem to be.  sigh.  Anyway, I'm asking God to work with me in this area for for another 12 months just be on the complete side. 


Oops!  I never said what the word was, did I?  It's Purpose.  I'm praying I live each day with purpose...purposeful choices, purposeful gestures, purposeful steps.  I'm praying I discern God's purpose for me and each day that He gives me.

3.  In keeping with my moderate success in 2011 I'm repeating my memory verses for another year.  I did pretty great for about the first half of the year, but it got harder and harder for me to get a firm grasp on the new verses.  I can't even believe how hard it has become for me to memorize, but I'm not beating up on myself.  God and I have talked about it and He has reassured me that even the process of trying to memorize them is a very spiritually profitable thing.  All that deliberation is of course part of the hiding (in my heart).  Therefore I'm soldiering forward again this year, and I'm thinking after another cycle through I should have them firmly in place :)


4.  I'm not a fan of all the goodbyes this weekend.  Just sayin'.


5.  I've read that the phrase "just sayin" is very last year and  quite possibly overdone but what can I say?  I'm not sure that I can stop.  I was saying "just sayin" long before it was cool.  Who knows?  I might have even invented it myself.  (Again, sorry!)  I apologize for being so last year, but let's face it, I'm in my mid forties.  I fear the hip and cool ship has sailed.

6.  Christmas cupcakes and my mother's "Heavenly Hash."  Amen.


7.  It's time to take down the Christmas tree.  My lights and a few ornaments are literally sliding right off the branches.  Which is odd because it's an artificial tree.


8.  The Bachelor starts back up tonight.  I'm not even going to try to defend myself or my pitiful Monday night viewing choice.  I'm also quite certain I'll be preaching and fussing like the Maw-Maw I can be by week two, but y'all...Have you SEEN those commercials where the beautiful girl all decked out in her fancy gown is sitting all alone sobbing and then the text comes up telling us The Bachelor is coming in January?  All I can say is buahahaha!!  And also seriously girls?  Don't get your relationship advice from crazy people on the television.  The end.


9.  Y'all KNOW how I hate to complain but if I don't stop with The Coughing and feeling bad soon I'm going to start to get a touch cranky.  Last night when I coughed the top of my head hurt.  It literally. felt. rattle-y.  WEIRD.


10.  I have a couple of prayer requests...would you join me today in praying for Mamaw Honaker?  She's not doing well and we're thinking she'll be in Heaven feeling really great very soon.  I'm happy for her, but it's still sad, especially for her girls.  The older I get the more I realize how excruciating it would be to say goodbye to your mama. 

Also, please pray for Marie?  She's pregnant and struggling with crack addiction.  She and her precious baby girl, and the family anxiously awaiting her birth, need help from the Lord desperately.


Soon perhaps you'll see evidence of my purposeful heart by way of that pictorial recap.  In the meantime,  have a great day!!  I love ya :)

p.s.  What kind of person mentions Passion 2012 and The Bachelor in the same post.  I'm a mess.
sigh.