Thursday, March 1, 2012

Growing Pains. And At My Age.


I'm feeling all...unsettled lately and I'm not sure where to take it.

You know that squirmy feeling you get when you sense that someone wants something from you but you have no idea what it is?

Yeah, that's kinda where I've been for the last little while.


There's stuff I want to say but feel like it should be said well.
and since I don't know exactly what I'm thinking, I don't really know how to say it, ha!

I'm rather a mess, that's what.

I thought the unsettledness would disappear into a cloud of chaos go away when I made the decision to school Elijah.  I figured that would fill me with all the purpose a girl of my moderately-advancing years could handle.

Evidently I figured wrong because the squirming has continued.
Actually it's increasing, intensifying, and I were to be honest, aggravating.

It seems the busier I am the more it feels like I should be doing.  

The less money I have (and it has been quite the lean season, my friends), the guiltier I feel for my excess.

The more I learn the less I know, and the less I know the more God wants to show me, and the more He seems to want from me.

Here at A/B I keep a light tone.  This is intentional.  (Believe it or not, I occasionally think deep thoughts, and cranky thoughts, and yes...ugly thoughts.)  This is my personal space to use up some of  the many words that I love so much.  It's my family album, and I hope it occasionally gives my children a glimpse into what's going on behind that stunningly beautiful (sarcasm alert!) face of mine, and someday maybe it will help to introduce my future (great)grandchildren to my heart.

I usually keep things on the light(er) side because that's usually where I am, attitude-wise.  This blog is my thank-you note to my beloved Father who made me and to my family and friends who love me.  And that feels just about right.

However, in general social media (like Twitter/Facebook) I'm growing increasingly sick of the sound of my own voice.  Who really cares in the grand scheme of life if I indulged in meatballs for breakfast?  Anyone?

God has been convicting me about the me-centric-ness of such mediums, and while it can feel funny-ish to throw such stuff out there, when all is said and done I'm afraid it's fostering an attitude about myself that I'm not liking so much.

I guess it really struck me the other day when I spent some time signing petitions and praying for the millions living their every day in bondage (both spiritually and physically!) and then popped back over to see my meatball post smiling back at me.

Now there isn't a thing in the world wrong with sharing a meatball recipe, and I assure you there will be an abundance of such hard-hitting pseudo journalism in our future together...but y'all, the contrast was startling.  STARTLING.

That being said, I'm asking God to show me how to use "social media" in a more proactive, God-honoring way than just throwing out me-centric nonsense.

A little balance is all I'm saying.

I know God's bigger-picture plan for me is more substantial than me becoming a touch less selfish in my twitterlife...but it's a start.

and isn't that often how He works?  Just enough light to see that next step.

and baby steps they are.

* * *

I read today that children below the age of 18 years old represent between 40 to 50% of all forced labor victims.  These precious littles are no less real - and their plight no less desperate - just because they aren't in my direct line of vision.  Would you join me today in praying for these children?  Specifically as they spend their childhoods working, being abused, and having their innocence stolen.

There is a world of hurt outside my sight line, but thank God the world is growing "smaller" every day.  We have the Remedy.  I do believe it's time for me to find a way to share it more effectively.

I'm thinking it's the very least I could do.


No comments:

Post a Comment