Monday, February 13, 2012

Safe Trust and Undeserved Grace

If I close my eyes I could almost believe I'm 26 years younger and holding my firstborn in my arms.

(Well.  That sounded terribly melodramatic, didn't it, ha!)

A mom doesn't forget the birth of her child.

She just doesn't.

And evidently it never feels more than a closing of the eyes away.

Katie was born amidst a flurry of drama and activity after my doctor discovered on a routine visit that I had preeclampsia.  So they decided right then and there to do a C-section.  You can imagine the frantic goings-ons as we tracked down her dad and other family members while preparing me for surgery.  

I was much too young to be even remotely concerned.  Now that I'm creeping toward oldness I realize that had to be an unsettling time for family who had a clue, but I was all YAY BABY and not the least bit worried.  About 5:32 p.m. (give or take, ha!) she was born and life was never the same.

The end.

Yeah, not so much :)

When my first child was born my life was a swirl of stress and fear, and off-the-charts anxiety.  I couldn't imagine how something so perfect (again, ha!) could be growing in the midst of such real-life hard but isn't God wonderful to insert the wonderful right in the middle of all our hard.

Even when the hard is often of our own making. 

Due to physical maladies, Katie was the baby I never expected to have.  I really hadn't even asked for her...I had already accepted adoption would be my probable path.  And yet there she was.  Here she is.  The deepest desire of my heart in the form of utter joy placed in my arms when I least expected it.

Oh how I love Him so much for that!

(A Thousand Gifts #956-966)

beauty in the middle of hard

fulfilled heart desires and sometimes He doesn't even wait to be asked

trust in a safe place

sweet undeserved grace sprinkled through all of my days

talking without a point on the phone for a long time, and hearing her using her mommy-tone, and how she loves Jesus and how she loves her family, and how she wants to bring honor to His name

her smile, and her laugh, and her cranky face...all mostly the same to this mom

memory...another little something He gives us to make our lives beauty-full.

Happy Birthday Katie!

(I am so hugging you right now)

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